im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize