Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
