She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
