I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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