i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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