I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
