Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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