How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize