You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize