my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize