Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
