Got a toothbrush?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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