There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
