I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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