Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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