I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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