On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
