You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
