Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
