he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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