is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
