i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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