I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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