wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
