im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
