I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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