He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
