i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
