I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
