Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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