Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I will be naked everywhere
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
