Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
