I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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