I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
