I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize