I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
