in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
