I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
