That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
