I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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