i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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