i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
