You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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