Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
