We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
