All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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