we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
