Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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