I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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