it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
