Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize