I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
