i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
