I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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