im about as happy as oj after his trial
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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