Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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