I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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