my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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