Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
