I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
