omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize