I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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