dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
