Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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