He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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