I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
