my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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