last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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